Astounding findings in the world of Medicine

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Astounding findings in the world of Medicine

Post by Jubbahey on Tue 31 Jan 2012 - 19:51

According to recent, ground breaking research into the possible side effects of Roger Federer retiring from full time tennis as a career, there are apparent and distinct, alarming hallucinatory episodes that may take place when such an event happens.

Scientists have also found, shocking the medical profession, that these symptoms are sometimes exhibited by humans before the event has actually taken place.

They have found many causes of this disease and treatments vary, but their findings include.....

"Federesium Deficiency" that causes hyperirritability and hallucinosis, which includes, amongst its symptoms....the imaginings of the skin hair turning into yellow ball fuzz, and small Rodent Nad's creeping in dark musty corners, teeth gnashing at the patients eyes, peripheral visions of hordes of Rafalitites, small ant like insects with bright yellow eyes, crawling en masse towards the patient's feet and toes.

Also "Nadalirium tremens", where the patient exhibits the horrors or the shakes when Roger Federer loses to a perceived non-entity, which would be an assumed number of players that do not have Roger or Federer in their name. The withdrawal symptoms of a loss such as this can lead to severe hallucinations, which are acutely followed by an intense, false perception of keen, tennis knowledge and an opinion that has all the answers to life and beyond.

But it is the cessation of play by Federer that the scientists are concerned with and the after-effects or tremors that may proceed such an event. In this they are united in their prognosis, delusional seizures of biblical proportions will initially reduce the patient to a quivering mass and render keyboard input almost completely inured, with a common syndrome of blathering incoherently for hours on end, repeating the same sentence over and over again.
Following this, the patient may exhibit a tendency to irrational outbursts of sublime grandeur, almost immediately followed by silence.

As far as treatment is concerned, they are wholly behind a course of medication that includes, burning doll effigies of Roger Federer in tennis ball tins, on a moonlit night on a lawn court in Geneva.
Once total withdrawal of Federeresium Deficiency is complete then an intense course of Nadal video and Djokovic press conference viewing is administered by aural and visual injection via the spinal tap.

Convalescing is benefited by a slow process of gradual appreciation of "other" tennis players by denial of super-knowledge or brick wall opinion, both being reduced in severity by the application of impartial anecdotes put together by official representatives of Eurosport, expert journalists in their field of commentary in the world of professional tennis. This should help reverse the bigoted viewpoints and move the patient towards a more functional lifestyle.

If you know anyone who displays symptoms of Federesium Deficiency or Nadalirium tremens when the moment arrives of Roger Federer's retirement, contact a medical professional immediately, so as to secure the sanity of society and the well being of the worlds population. We must not allow this disease to spread or cross-mutate to other species, the repercussions could be fatal, a world of one sided fanatical supporters of an individual tennis player.

Jubbahey
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Re: Astounding findings in the world of Medicine

Post by Guest on Tue 31 Jan 2012 - 21:03

lol!

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